11 Types of TV Viewers Who Didn’t Exist Before Streaming

Streaming has changed people’s TV-watching habits in radical ways, which is why The Washington Post has just come out with its humorous list of the 11 types of “television” viewers who didn’t exist just a few years ago. See if you recognize yourself in any of these…Kelsey’s picks are in RED and Cody’s in BLUE with one overlapping habit!

  • The FOMO Rewinder: You need to catch every last detail on the screen, and you will rewind, rewind, rewind until you’ve darn well absorbed them all.
  • The Frozen Watcher: You are drawn to the TV screen if anything is flickering across it, regardless of what else you must do in that very moment. Your knowledge of empty-calorie television is absurdly expansive, even though you claim to hate it.
  • The Multitasking Phone Watcher: You could clean your apartment, vacuum or cook dinner with nothing to accompany you except the sound of your own thoughts, but why? One click of an app on your phone, and those mundane chores instantly become less boring once you’re absorbed in that episode of Big Little Lies you missed on Sunday.
  • The Work Watcher: You’re a lucky soul whose computer faces the wall, or maybe you even have an office where you can put in your ear buds and frown intently to make it look like you’re trying very hard to concentrate on an important spreadsheet when, in fact, you’re actually watching Parks and Recreation.
  • The Anxious Pauser: The pause button is your best friend. This magical escape mechanism helps you brace for the discomfort of, say, an inevitable murder, awkward dialogue or the horrifying extracurricular activities of Euphoria’s troubled teens. 
  • The Second Screener: You love watching TV, but with screens on your phone, laptop and tablet, why limit yourself to just one? You don’t watch an episode without at least scrolling through Twitter.
  • The Avid Reader: For those who have been made to feel guilty for plopping in front of a TV set, you can comfort yourself with the fact that, with the closed captioning turned on, you’re technically still reading. If not due to hearing loss, you might still watch this way because prestige television seems to have become as quiet as it is dark.
  • The Distracted Viewer: Your co-worker asks you what you thought of that absolutely insane twist on last night’s Jane the Virgin. Wait, there was a twist? You were too busy folding laundry, cracking jokes in the group chat and stirring a pot of soup every few minutes to closely follow Jane Villanueva’s troubles.
  • The Perpetual Re-Watcher: You have access to more shows than anyone in the history of humanity. But you’re choosing to again watch The Office, Friends or one of the 456 episodes of Law and Order that you’ve somehow already seen.
  • The Scroll Bar Skimmer: A true denizen of the digital age, you hover over the bar so conveniently located at the bottom of whatever you’re watching on Netflix to sneak a peek at what’s coming up.
  • The Late-to-the-Party Watcher: You’ve finally gotten around to seeing Mad Men or Breaking Bad. Congrats! Now you are forced to process your feelings all by yourself–or through old Reddit threads.